Writings | brian-kinney

The Scarring Event

I look back now and realize I know less than I ever did

At the same time wiser or maybe just more experienced.

It seems that at a certain point, nothing is new.

No newness means time comes to a stand still

Days go by I get closer to my Lord

It will come to pass that there will be no distance

in time or space between us.

There is also an immense sadness.

It completely engulfs me and there is no mercy in it.

This... this scarring event has it's own power.

In the midst of which I've learned how to cut myself some slack.

My consistent refuge is in the tone addiction

that I harbor and have come to cherish and to be humbled by.

Coming into existence with nothing and really

leaving the same, how can one ever lose anything.

Traveling sometimes in free flight and at others

weighed down to a stand still,

everything really is a gift mostly unrecognized.

Cherish these moments despite the scars,

embrace these tear stained joys

never to let go.....and let go.

I yearn for some one to know what

I myself can't understand.

Strange experience.... or maybe a journey

groping for language, words that never truly convey

what only the Spirit understands

The Spirit moans and weaves it's thread through these fleeting truths.

I get this.... more and more with each passing day.

I also know that despite everything

I stand in a hard won righteousness

that is my birthright.

I am owed nothing and I owe everything.

Indeed, what a strange trip it has been

I will land when I realize my wings fell away a long time ago.

Masterpiece

My masterpiece lies

beneath me.

It lies down there

in that hole in the

ground.

It lies in that wound

.... in that warm

pocket.

I raise my hands

in front of my face

and ... look.

My masterpiece lies

somewhere in these pages,

beneath that hole in

the ground.

My masterpiece lies up

there in that hole

in the ground, studying

me at just about

every angle it can.

A Whisper

The memory

of your

moving body

brought

together

the fragments

of my

wondering

love.

O bring me

down

into the warmth

of thy bed,

leaving

me helpless

only to your

wishes.

Breathe

Maybe the trick

is to just breathe.....

so I've been told.

The rhythm of in and then out

is one of the essences that we

experience in this life.

It's good to return to an essence

once in a while....

don't you think?

Just.....breathe.

When a sadness overcomes

and is so dense

making it is difficult to breathe,

breathe a little deeper,

a little slower.

When happiness returns....

notice how it resonates with

breath.

When a love takes your

breath away.....

let it.

Let it suspend you in time

just for a moment.

Surrender to it.

Breathe until there is

no reason to breathe anymore.

And then....

take comfort in knowing

that this is not

the end.

Thy Will Be Done

Thy will be done....
now there's a tough one for ya....
or maybe not.
When I think about it
and when I stop and realize where
I am in life,
it becomes an easy decision
to make.

My puny efforts are of no use now.
And as circumstances would have it
there is no place else to turn.
But let me back up for a minute.

I am human.....this existence means
engagement in the act of living, from
breathing in and out, with a heart that
pumps blood coursing through my veins,
both of which are automatic...
not much free will involved here.

Engaging in a career, having people that
I interact with whether family or friends.
Wait a minute.... yes I do have some choice and conscience
decision here. Hmm....made some bad choices
as I recall. There's my puny efforts again.

It's only natural to want to take control,
chart your own course.
Discernment is required for this
seemingly noble effort though.
Is it for example, self aggrandizement?
Ego and pride is difficult to overcome and always
seems to creep in somehow.
History is full of pride before the fall.
In the end I have not the ability to judge
because I am not a stable bench mark
to judge from.

So how do I reconcile Thy will be done
with taking my place as a human and being
meaningfully engaged in this life?
Realizing and facing the truth
that our efforts do indeed fall short
is a good start.

Does the universe have a “hum”? Does it vibrate?
Of course it does, it is physical.
Therefore, it is subject to the laws of physics.
However physics is not spirituality.

Do vibrations have a resonance?
Of course they do, we know that music
has harmony. We know that we have seasons
and there is a harmony in nature. We see this,
it is obvious.
This is not spiritual either.
Inanimate objects like pendulums
will swing in resonance given time.

Is it good to resonate with the universe
in a positive way, a healthy way?
Of course it's good, we have bodies
that are made of the “dust” of the
universe.
However, if we in time swing in
resonance with the universe like
pendulums, where is the
spirituality in that?
That would be as useless
as standing in front of the Throne
playing harps in white robes for
all eternity.

In either case, this is contrary to our
existence in this world.
Efforts may be puny but life does
require full engagement.

I am a created entity with an
individuality within a community of
other individuals.
Does it seem reasonable to you
that you are created from some eternal
well of mindlessness? Really?
Even within an individual existence,
like seeks like. Birds of a feather
flock together after all.

No, my creator or the creative pulse,
whichever you feel more comfortable has an
individuality as well as omnipresence.
Since I have no control in all reality in
this life nor do I have the ability to weigh
all factors in this existence, then I am essentially
forced to let Thy will be done.

Still.... I don't have to....this is where
I do have a choice.

Thy will be done...

and thank God for that.

The Deep End

The animal is voracious tonight.
It roams like a lion
stalking, looking for anything to eat.
Driven to devour whatever crosses it's path,
even for which it has no appetite.

Wildness is in it's eyes. It's gaze never
settles on anything, thinking it will be content
only when it finds.....it doesn't know
what it's looking for.
How long will this go on.

If there ever was a demon, this
could be it.
It hasn't a voice, yet roars.
The eyes are flaming
and it moves quickly from
target to target.

It doesn't differentiate
between good or evil,
as long as it can keep moving
laying waste to everything in it's
path.
How long? An hour?

Finally...
the pace seems to be slowing
breathing is fast and shallow,
standing still now, panting,
blessed peace is returning.
The beast now tired, sleeps.

And like that, it dissipates
like a tornado in all it's fury, it simply
recedes into the night sky
leaving behind some territory
untouched and others decimated.

Tomorrow is another day.

The Shell Game

It's the thoughts the roll around

in your head that haven't formed

into words.

A hope from deep within

that you can't put your finger on.

Always there,

patient and waiting.

It's presence is like the elusive

sixth sense that we experience from

time to time.

It has a gentleness and

yet the power to move a mountain.

You innately know above all,

that it's essence is truth.

The irony that it coexists

with the lies that

we tell ourselves.

The tragedy that we

run rough shod over it.

We would be doing

ourselves a great favor just to

throw open the gates

and let it fly free.

However, before this can happen

you must go to where it resides.

A place of quietude.

Where it will heal you, teach you

and admonish you.

It takes a particular kind of honesty

to let this one loose.

This hope is self sustaining.

It doesn't need you, you need it.

Little by little, it reveals itself

and you become more and more

thirsty for the promise

that it holds.